letsallchant | Wounded in Love, Wounded in Hatred

Note: These were written for an itunes fanfic challenge I abandoned (hence the wildly cringe-worthy song choices). I only wrote 6 of them, and they were sitting around, taking up space, so thought I might as well release these into the wild. Nicole Wallace POV (psychopaths want love too!)

'Cause I know how it feels to be alone
When strangers only make you feel the cold
You never ever felt so far from home
You never felt so far from home

- New in Town, Little Boots

Bobby,

I knew from the moment we met that we'd always be connected.

I know you far better than you know yourself, and I wish things didn't have to be this way with us, but you understand. I have to keep moving, or else.

And I know that you know me. You understand that my conscious, my pity, are things that lay dormant, useless, relatively insignificant to my state of being. They've been dead in me from the time I was a child- if they were ever there to begin with. And besides, they aren't relevant to how I live my life now, and no, I don't miss them. What humankind will never understand is that we would all be the better without them. After all, the world itself is pitiless; no one is safe. Life ravages you hard, fucks you mercilessly, doesn't care how hard you plead or scream, and naturally, the only way to fight back is to reciprocate it's feelings. I was sorry to hear about your mother. You'll be better for it when you come out of all of this. I've gotten a little soft over the years haven't I? It's true.

And of course I have to ask about Her. You know who I'm talking about. Do you really click with her like you do with me? I don't understand, I suppose I never will. Do you really like women like her? So boring, predictable in their mediocrity. There's no challenge or mystery for you there. Remember last time how fast I took her out of the room with one quick stab? It was almost too easy, and I know you were glad I did it, so it would be just you and me again, like always. The way you feel will never be like it is with me. Then again, I suppose you've always had a thing for damaged little daddy's girls, so consider me non-pulsed.

I met someone tonight. As I'm lying here next to him, I realise he resembles a younger version of you, before life sucked all the happiness and vitality out of you, much like they were taken from me all those years ago. And no- settle down, I'm not planning anything. I just needed something to make me feel all right, someone to have a good time with, to burn off all this damned loneliness. Since I'll only be in Berlin for two weeks, I thought I'd make the best of things, that's all. But I thought of you the whole time.

Do you think of me when you're with her? But all of that is inconsequential anyway. I think you understand what I mean. When we're together, everyone disappears, rendering them into one faceless mass, blending into the wallpaper. They're all strangers to us Bobby. And we're the only ones who are in on it. I know you spend restless nights thinking about me, wondering where I am and what I'm up to, because I do the same for you. As long as were both breathing, we'll never stop caring for each other, searching for one another. The promise of that fleeting chance - you can feel it too, can't you? Your pulse quickens, something stirs within. It will be like this until the end.

You are mine, now and forever.

Bis bald. Bis zum nächsten Mal,

Nicole

He receives the letter two weeks after they've discovered her chopped up like a hindquarter in Declan's basement. Against his own instincts, he wants to keep it. Regretfully, he crumbles it up and throws it away. Sometimes for your own good, you have to let the dead stay dead.